Clearly I have no business writing this blog or maybe it's not so clear since I try not to dwell upon my struggles here. Anyone on Facebook with me gets a glimpse, sometimes more, but I've been doing a good job of keeping negative feelings and thoughts to myself. Something just snapped inside of me today and like I said on Facebook: I'm not sure if it snapped into place or out of place, but I feel good. I feel stronger. I feel more like a better version of myself, as if that's even possible because I was pretty awesome before I started focusing on developing myself spiritually.
Living in the NOW is not easy for me because I'm not really happy where I am; I know I should just bend the wind and live in the moment. I've tried to look for the positive reasons for why I'm still stuck here in this little town instead of being where I want to be with the person and people that feel like home to me. If we choose our path while we are completely one with the universe/god/source/first creator/divine collective consciousness before we incarnated here, and everything with struggle with is something we brought upon ourselves to learn valuable lessons... I... I just struggle to find the reason.
Thinking positive and writing down my intentions doesn't seem to work. What seems to work is invoking Karma upon people that I feel need to learn how to treat people and be more loving and kind. That always works for me. If I feel that someone needs to learn something and back my invocation of Karma with positive intent - Karma is activated. And some Karma was definitely activated today! Here's the thing, though, these people still have choices they can make to avoid experiencing the Karma I've invoked upon them. They can stop what they are doing and start treating people how they want to be treated and all will be well. If they continue with this behavior; however, there are consequences now and if they invoke those consequences for their negative actions, they will feel exactly how they make me feel, and how they make others feel when they act in TOTAL DISREGARD of others.
It feels a little like judgement, but really - I'm a reflection of the people I'm around, a product of my environment. If I'm not happy and peaceful there is something wrong with the system I'm involved in because - I'm usually Little Miss Sunshine and Smiles. I'm a good person who is nice to everyone until you cross me and I invoke Karma upon you. I'm a boat rocker and a whistle blower. I have a built in lie-detector, bullshit filter and x-ray vision. I can see many possible futures and I can pull whichever moments I want from them into this reality.
People really shouldn't make me angry, but it takes so much to make me this angry. You really have to mess up to make me this angry. And it's not even anger, really, it's disappointment...
So I don't know where I am in all of this process of Awakening, but right NOW, I don't really care. I just want to feel like myself again, and love who I am, regardless of how "at one" I feel with the universe.
I would never make true love run away from me unless he needed to learn a major lesson - he's learning it. He shouldn't have ran. I wanted to run and I didn't. I had faith. Now he's going to suffer the reflection of my anguish. If he chooses to continue to ignore me and disregard what we are... He will be miserable without me. It's what is best for him. Because I am what's best for him. He needs to acknowledge this like I did.
I would never treat my employees as if they weren't important and didn't deserve my respect and if I didn't know what I was doing, I would trust that I hired them for a job they could do well. Now he will suffer what it's like to live without the "comfort" and "luxury" of money and will begin to appreciate his family and loving people. If he continues being a douchebag he will learn this lesson.
And that's all I have to say. I wanted Post #11 to be very profound because I like the number 11 and find it significant, but... I guess it is what it is.
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